Dumb People Who Gave Natural Selection The Middle Finger

dumb people

Accidents happen, it’s a part of life. However, some accidents can be easily avoided… if you have enough brain cells. In this article, I’ll be recounting the tales of people who narrowly escaped with their lives – even if the situation they found themselves in was entirely out of their own doing. Let’s find out some potential candidates for the Darwin awards.

20. For The Thrills

Nobody knows what a couple gets up to when they’re alone, but I can bet not many do this. Mr. Lantern from Wisconsin had a strange fetish – he would ask his wife to hold an unloaded shotgun to his scrotum and pull the trigger.

This harmless, although bizarre, recreational activity turned deadly when – seeing his wife’s friend pull into the driveway, he shouted to his wife – “Shoot ’em off before she gets here!” His wife did as she was told but with disastrous consequences. The ambulance crew found him bleeding from his groin with his pants around his ankles.

To everyone’s surprise, Lantern survived the wound and would go on to get the rarest of accolades, a living ‘at-risk-survivor’ Darwin Award.

19. Concrete Blockage

This story comes from the highly prestigious annals of the US National Library of Medicine. When a 20-year-old male arrived at a local emergency room complaining of pain in his rectum, the doctors gave him an x-ray to see what the problem could be.

The man had a blockage like no other and when doctors questioned him further, he admitted that he had got a friend to pour concrete mixture into his rectum. Why? You might ask. Well – the concrete enema was part of an attempt to retrieve a ping pong ball he’d lost earlier. Both the ball and the blockage were removed.

18. Man’s Best Friend

Humans and dogs have a long and strong relationship. But, for one 22-year-old Scottish man, his relationship with his dog was a little too strong. The man in question had coated his testicles in peanut butter, in order for his dog to lick it off.

It’s not the most efficient way to feed a dog, that’s for sure. Possibly frustrated by this bizarre feeding method, the dog instead bit off the owner’s testicles. After the incident, the man had to be put into a coma in order to heal. The doctors were able to reattach the man’s manhood after the incident. Sadly, the dog was put down as a result of the owner’s bizarre actions.

17. Cheap and Dangerous

Picture this, you’re cutting down some trees on your land. Due to the amount cut down, you use a wood chipper to chop the wood into smaller pieces. The entrance of the wood chipper gets a little clogged. So, you use your foot to push down the branches, as you use a perfectly good spade to balance with.

Does this sound like something you’d do? No? Well, that’s exactly what this man decided to do. As caught in this photograph, the man is risking his limb instead of a replaceable tool. How dumb people can be!

© Reddit/Battlefield_One

16. Cyanide Supplement

Herbal medicine can sometimes have a positive effect on people. For one 67-year-old man, the outcome was anything but positive.

After beating prostate cancer, the unnamed man had been taking apricot kernel extract as a supplement. Upon coming into the hospital for a routine cystoscopy, the doctors discovered some unusual readings. The man had cyanide poisoning. Unsurprising really, since apricot kernels cause potentially fatal cyanide poisoning when consumed.

© PX Fuel

Once the doctors diagnosed the 67-year-old man, he immediately stopped taking the apricot kernels…for three days. He then proceeded to use the daily supplement as though nothing had changed.

15. Not Having A Whale Of A Time

29-year-old Gabriel decided to take action against the enemy in his eyes. He wanted to punish the “rich white people for the death of the whales and depletion of the rain forests”.

To get some revenge, he decided to cut power to a neighborhood. He climbed up a metal pole to reach a 69,000-volt line. A perfect example of people doing stupid things. Armed with dishwashing gloves for insulation, Gabriel used a tree saw to cut the power line. In doing so, he severely electrocuted himself.

Even with his gloves melted on his hands from the electricity, A delighted Gabriel was happy to have made at least someone “suffer just like the whales and trees”. Sadly, thousands of homes lost power temporarily due to Gabriel’s actions, without him being eliminated from the gene pool.

14. Icy Waters

Picture this… you’re at the top of waterfall, but want to take a great, memorable photo for your 40 followers so that you can break double-digit likes. Do you: A) stand behind the barriers, a safe distance away from the drop-off, or; B) jump past the barrier to stand on a dense piece of ice that’s attached to the barrier which isn’t above hard ground, and would cause you to fall over 100ft if it breaks?

If you chose B, you think like this guy.

© Imgur

One slight crack in the ice and the man is going straight down the waterfall. No photograph is worth dying for.

13. Cliff-hanger Photo

In 2017, on top of the Jigong mountain in Chongqing City, China, a young man decides to take a scenic photo. Instead of taking a photo of the breath-taking scenery, he decides he wants to be in the photo as well. But, with a twist.

Rather than take a selfie or a standard photograph, the man chooses to risk his life for a picture. He performs stunt poses on top of a small piece of rock on the mountain. As he hangs off the rock, he loses his grip and begins to plummet.

To the detriment of the intelligence of future generations, some rocks just below halted the man’s descent, allowing him to survive with some cuts and bruises.

12. Gun In The Oven

Robin Garlock from Warren, Ohio, was lucky to escape death from gunfire. The culprit of the shooting was his oven… or more accurately, his lack of intelligence. In 2018, Mr. Garlock and his girlfriend were expecting children to come over to their property.

Like any respectable gun owner, Mr. Garlock hid his revolver. Unlike a respectable gun owner, he put the loaded gun in the oven instead of a safe. His girlfriend was unaware of Mr. Garlock’s unusual gun safety practice. She turned the oven on. As the revolver heated up, the gun fired.

Luckily, there were no injuries from the stray bullet. Mr. Garlock ran to the oven to retrieve his hot gun, only for two more bullets to fire from the heat. Mr. Garlock ended up with bullet fragments impeded into his shoulders.

11. Slippery As An Eel

In 2003, a 50-year-old man entered his local hospital in Hong Kong. He was suffering from abdominal pain. The doctor discovered that the patient had inflammation of the abdomen. The patient was sent for an x-ray straight away. The doctor held up the x-ray image of the patient’s abdomen. Only to discover what looked like an eel inside the patient’s colon.

© rede.ecu.edu

Instead of lying and pretending he was walking naked and fell over on top of the eel, the patient explained to the doctor that he had been having problems with constipation. He believed that stuffing an eel into his rectum would sort out his issue. The patient underwent surgery to remove the 50-centimeter, or 19-inch, eel.

© Deposit Photos/ arbllrom

The eel was biting into the patient’s colon and it had already taken chunks out of the patient’s rectum. The patient no longer had abdominal pain or constipation.

10. Group Powdering Their Noses

Nine backpacking tourists were in Perth, Australia in 2018. After checking in to a hotel, they received a delivery to their room. The package was from New York. As none of the tourists had ordered anything, curiosity got the better of them. They tore into the package and found a container of white powder that was labeled SCOOP.

The group decided to put the mysterious, potentially lethal powder into nine equal lines and snort it. Each backpacker went to medical facilities for emergency care. The medical staff found out what the white powder was. It was Scopolamine, a dangerous drug used by criminals to lower the ability of a victim to resist criminal aggression.

© PersianV

Each medical facility released the backpackers shortly after being admitted and treated.

9. Total Eclipse

In West Palm Beach in Florida, a couple decide to take in the sights of the eclipse. The rare viewing of an eclipse would have been a romantic moment for the 24-year-old man and woman. As they lie down to view the event, they are instead run over by a police car.

Luckily, the car was only going 5 miles per hour. The car only managed to run over this couple as they decided to lie down on a dark roadway. Can anyone be dumber than these dumb people?

Due to the slow speed the car was going, it’s also puzzling why the officer was unable to see the couple on the floor. The couple did go to the hospital to have their non-life-threatening injuries treated.

8. There’s A Snake In My Boat

Michael Adams decided to go kayaking with his family on the Edisto River in Colleton County, South Carolina. A pleasant day turned into a disaster when a rattlesnake fell from a tree and bit Mr. Adams on the hand three times.

© The State

However, that wasn’t actually what happened. Upon seeing something in the water, Mr. Adams paddled over to what he thought was an alligator in the river. On closer inspection, he realized it was a snake. Instead of paddling in the opposite direction, Mr. Adams chose to pick up the rattlesnake with his bare hands. A glaring instance of stupid things people have done.

© Videoblocks/dapoopta

The snake immediately bit Mr. Adams three times. As the venom coursed through Mr. Adams, a fellow kayaker applied a snake bite kit to Mr. Adams wounds. Mr. Adams held on to the snake until the paramedics arrived in order to help get a proper antivenom. It’s safe to say, avoid picking up moving objects in a river.

7. Below The Belt

46-year-old, Mark Anthony Jones, was on a leisurely walk in Marion, Indiana. As he enjoyed this experience, he began to feel something move in his trousers. Mr. Jones had a 9mm gun inside his waistband, and it began to fall. He quickly reacted to adjust the gun before it fell. However, doing so caused the gun to fire. The bullet entered just above his penis and came out through his scrotum.

Mr. Jones was immediately rushed to the hospital. This wasn’t the end of Mr. Jones’ discomfort, however. The police found that he did not have an Indiana Handgun License. On top of his flinch-inducing injuries, Mr. Jones now has to contend with criminal charges.

6. Almost Early Feeding Time At The Zoo

Leanne, a woman in her 30s, decided to go to the zoo. The zoo in question was Wildlife World Zoo near Phoenix, Arizona. Unlike most day-trippers out to see the animals, Leanne took her enjoyment a step too far and made to this list of dumb people.

Most zoos use security barriers at enclosures to protect the viewing human and the animal from harm. However, Leanne wasn’t going to adhere to that rule. She wanted to get a selfie with a jaguar, and no amount of signs and barriers was going to stop her.

She hopped over the barrier and went towards the fence between her and the jaguar. Instead of posing for the photo, the jaguar instead attacked Leanne. Leanne suffered gashes to her arm, but no life-threatening injury was luckily sustained.

© Mirror

After the ordeal, I doubt Leanne will ignore any more safety precautions in order to get social media likes for a photo.

5. They See Me Rollin’

Hobbies are important. Some are normal, like playing sports or making art. This man, however, does something completely different – he selfishly dances around on the tracks under a moving freight train. As the cars wait for the train to pass, he’s just there passing the time another way. He flops to the ground and dodges the trains’ wheels by rolling.

Due to the different carriages, the wheels are set at different intervals so the risk he’s taking is extreme. One slight mistake and this man would have ruined not only his life but the train drivers as well.

4. Bum’s Rush: Deserves a Darwin Award

This is another story involving a home-made remedy for constipation. A 50-year-old man in China used a vegetable to attempt some relief. Instead of using a carrot or another small-sized veggie, the man chose an aubergine/eggplant. After inserting the whopping 30-centimeter vegetable, the man began to experience a lot of pain.

With an object of this size, it’s expected. After two days of vomiting, the man reluctantly went to the hospital to seek aid. The x-ray showed that the aubergine/egg plant was very deep inside the man. So much so that the foreign object was actually causing damage to one of his lungs.

© Irish Post

The surgeons did successfully remove the massive object from the man’s anus. He made a full recovery once the ordeal was over.

3. Kiss Of Near-Death

Sam Quilliam is a fisherman that was living in Bournemouth, England. Like a lot of fisherman, Mr. Quilliam would take photos with the fish he caught. On this particular day in 2017, Mr. Quilliam was joking during the photo. He just caught a 14-centimeter Dover sole. Mr. Quilliam went to kiss the fish. However, the fish didn’t want to kiss on the first meeting. Instead, it jumped into Mr. Quilliam’s mouth and down his throat. This event triggered Mr. Quilliam into cardiac arrest.

His friends began CPR, while another friend called an ambulance. Once the paramedics arrived, they took over and managed to remove the fish with forceps. Mr. Quilliam made a full recovery. It’s unknown what happened to the fish.

2. Dumb People: No Train Of Thought

A lot of people take selfies for social media. But some people, like a man known as Shiva, took his selfie game a little too far.

Shiva decided to take a selfie with a train approaching. All good so far right? Well, Shiva had miscalculated a couple of things. One, he was standing too close in front of the approaching train. Two, he misjudged the speed of the train. As Shiva poses with his hand up, the train’s desperate signal noises had no effect. The train stuck Shiva on the back of the head and sent him flying.

He survived this ordeal with some head injuries. Note to self; no selfie is worth this.

1. Dynamite In The Wind

We’ve all experienced a power failure at some point in our homes. We search to find a torch/flashlight, matches, candles, or…a stick of dynamite? Okay, maybe not the latter.

Sadly, for an unnamed woman in Connecticut, she made this mistake. As the thunderstorms took out the power at her home, the woman searched her house for a light source. As she went into the basement, she found candles that had been left behind by the previous residents. Or so she believed. As she lit the dynamite, it exploded.

She was badly injured from the experience but luckily, she managed to survive. Always check before lighting candles in the dark. Or maybe invest in a torch/flashlight.

So, which person did you think made the stupidest mistake? Let me know your pick of dumb people in the comments section down below!

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